Guess Whose Birthday Eve It Is?

I celebrated by re-folding the towels in the linen closet. They are all now uniform and pretty. My world is at peace!

Opening Ceremonies

While the rest of the world enjoyed the opening ceremony in Vancouver, my family is being inundated with the opening ceremonies of my birthday eve.

On Wednesday I’ll be celebrating the anniversary of my 28th birthday. For many people it is difficult dealing with the “0” birthdays (30, 40, 50, etc.). Not me. I really struggled with my 28th birthday. In my life plan I was going to get married at 28. Isn’t it funny how the best laid plans exist only to fall apart? By the time I turned 28, I had been married for six and a half years to a farm boy and preparing for the arrival of our third child. For a girl that didn’t want children, wanted to marry a big-city guy, and had a very different perspective of where life would take her, turning 28 was far more difficult than 30. Thus, I’ve made the executive decision to never celebrate another birthday. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret my decisions. I really do love my chaotic life. Really. I do. Seriously.

Many of you will remember last year when Jack’s work took him on the road for my birthday. The day before he was to leave (a day formerly known as HIS birthday) he called me up and was all, “Since we’re not leaving until this afternoon and I’m going to be out of town for your birthday, why don’t I stop by your office and take you out for dinner?” How thoughtful. Right? WRONG! While we were sitting in the restaurant his cell phone vibrated and he answered it RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SENTENCE! I couldn’t even believe it. No “Hold on, I need to get this.” No “Do you mind if I answer this.” Just “Hello, this is Jack.” I just stared at him. He didn’t notice. He got off the phone and looked at me as if he didn’t even realize I was talking. No “I’m sorry. What were you saying?” No “Have I told you how much I love you.” Nothing. He just started shoveling his Shrimp & Vegetables into his mouth – while I stared in disbelief. THIS my friends, is why Jack Cronin is no longer entitled to a birthday.

Please disregard his screaming in the background. Regardless what he says, “I can. It’s my birthday!” is NOT an excuse to be rude to your wife and then ABANDON her on her birthday!

Tonight the girls are making the preparations for my birthday eve celebration by making a cake. That’s right – cake for me to cram in my cakehole! I can hardly wait to see what the festivities will be like on the ACTUAL anniversary of my 28th birthday. Too bad Jackson scheduled ANOTHER work trip on the 17th of February. It’s almost like he doesn’t want to be around me on MY DAY! Hmm, peculiar. Whatever, at least I get the whole bed to myself!

If I Had a Dollar for Every Time…

I get that my life is not ordinary. I understand that it has more chaos than the normal person. I’m nearly certain a good amount of it is due solely because of who I am hard-wired to be.

That being said…

A few different people have told me that I need to take my stories to the stage. They claim I have enough material to keep a crowd laughing for quite a while. I choose this blog as my stage. It is here that I vent and tell stories I hope you find entertaining. I use it as a sort of therapy, but if it brings you some sort of comic relief, then it’s a win-win.

A good number of people have have also told me that we need to have cameras installed in my house. I’m not so sure that this is the best idea I’ve heard. I know that what goes on within the walls of my home can be translated into humorous stories and anecdotes, but I’m also pretty sure that a good majority of what goes on in my house would be frowned upon by the Iowa Department of Family Services. The last thing I need is for them to parade into my house with video evidence that I’m a bad parent.

Today I tried to convince #1 that she was shorter than a midget. I think I would have had her too, if her father hadn’t come forward with the truth.

Today I told #2 that her new bedroom in the basement was going to be given to #3. For, you see, this is the year that #2 turns 12. Twelve is an even number. Number 2 has been breaking her arms every-other year since she was 2. That’s right 2, 4, 6, 8, and 10. This year it is her destiny to break an arm and I am not looking forward to the ER trip. I hate trying to convince the medical staff that I know nearly as much about green-stick fractures as they do. I hate having to relive all the accidents #2 has encountered. I hate the inquisitive looks I get from the x-ray technicians as they decide whether or not I’m abusing my child. I especially hate wondering whether this is the accident that wins me a visit from a social worker. Any who… today I informed #2 that the hamster ball she will be receiving for her 12th birthday will not fit down the basement stairs.

Today I “suggested” to #3 that her sister “could straighten her hair before church.” as I was heading out the door for choir. When she replied that she was good as she attempted to smooth down her locks that were wildly out of control, my only reply was “I SAID, I’m sure your sister would be happy to straighten your hair for you before you leave for church.” I gave Jackson “the look”, closed the door, and left.

Today I attempted to lay a guilt trip on Jackson for not getting me anything for V-day. He attempted a rebuttal, but I shot all his “excuses” down. At the end of the day, I didn’t get him anything either!

Toddlers and Tiaras

To all of you that have been PATIENTLY awaiting an update…

I did not die as a result of the Advocare 24 Day Challenge. In fact, quite the opposite is true. I feel great. I haven’t used my stomach meds once (no heartburn, no nothing). I have way more energy. I’m thinking more coherently and able to focus more intently. As an added bonus I lost 7 pounds and 8 1/2 inches. I was so happy with all the results that I’ve decided to stick with it. In return, God melted another 6 pounds off my butt :) As it happens, you make good choices and good things happen.

Not only am I feeling and looking great, but other good things are coming my way.

1. It’s tax season – that’s like Christmas for an accountant!
2. My sister asked me to be in her wedding and I get to wear a really pretty dress!
3. I’ve been selected to be a judge at the Miss Hull and Little Miss Hull pageant.

Here’s my plan for the pageant…

I’ve decided to be the Simon Cowell judge. I’m going to wear a black t-shirt that is far too small and say things to the five year-olds like, “You call that a talent? I’m pretty sure my overweight dog could do better at that than you!” and see how many I can make cry. Last one standing takes home the tiara. That’s the way I roll! Hull will never know what hit them! Oh, tiara, that reminds me. I wonder if they’ll let me where my tiara to the pageant?!

Off to catch a Toddlers and Tiaras marathon!